The Lie We Believe About Midlife

​“As you follow the Lord Jesus, may you be one who sets your face to finish the course the Father has set before you. May God bless you in the afternoon of your life and make you a faithful follower of Jesus.”
Christopher Ash, Not Old, Not Young, Not Done


Here I am, in that lovely stage of life referred to as “perimenopause” which may last from 2 to 67 years. (Yes, I pronounced that as six-seeeven when I typed it -- I am a middle school teacher, after all).  Our kids have left the nest, I am counting the days (and seconds) until retirement, and I am trying to age semi-gracefully. So when I spotted Christopher Ash’s book “Not Old, Not Young, Not Done: Following Jesus in Your 50s and 60s”, it only took me 6-7 seconds to decide to add it to my TBR list. 

After a couple of hot flashes, I quickly decided to upgrade the book from my ever-growing TBR list to the MRN (must read now) list. Within a few chapters, it had me nodding and thinking, this should go on my RAS (read again soon) list. I found myself wishing that this book had been published twenty years ago so that I could have been more prepared when the hormone roller coaster started. The “Menopause” appendix by Sarah Allen was itself worth the price of the book. (And yes, now her book Pause is on my TBR list.)  With that said, don’t overlook this book if you are in your 40s, or 30s, or even 20s. It is never too soon to think about how we can follow Jesus faithfully in any stage of life. 

Ash’s book has a redemptive focus for every aspect of aging. Yes, we are going to lose muscle. Our reaction times will slow (oh good, now I have a legitimate excuse for being clumsy and uncoordinated). Our bodies will deteriorate (spoiler alert) and our minds are not exempt, either. Our frustration over these changes is because these things are not supposed to be normal. The creaky joints and leaky bladders are a reminder of the weight of sin. But as believers we know that this weight is light compared to the weight of glory that is coming (2 Corinthians 4:17). 

As I dove into this book, I kept thinking of people from our church—walking, talking examples of everything Ash was describing! I met regularly with a woman who, even before retirement was on the horizon, would talk about the plans that she and her husband had for serving after retirement. Ash encourages us to establish Titus 2 relationships — both with older believers who can help us and younger believers that we can mentor. These encouragements challenged me to reexamine how much time I spend filling my TBR list—and how little time I invest in relationships. 

Our bodies may be sagging and our minds may be lagging, but Ash gently reminds us that we can’t use those as an excuse to slack off in consistent godly habits. Reading our Bible, praying, and serving others can keep our hearts focused on an eternal perspective. Ash also warns us of the temptation to think that aging means we have earned the right to be grumpy or selfish. This made me pause — I can’t use second puberty as an excuse to treat others poorly. It is so easy to be blind to my faults and motives. These are reminders that I need to rely on Christ and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in my life. So, even as I struggle to make it through another day when I am mad at the world or feel like crying for no reason — his strength is evident in my weakness. 

From this book I learned that there is no retirement from growth in grace and sanctification. I can find ways to intentionally and diligently glorify God and serve others.  I can even find joy amidst the rollercoaster of menopause and ever-changing middle school lingo. Because my identity is rooted in Christ, I am not defined by my physical and mental limitations. Because I am anchored by the hope found in his Word, I can do more than just survive —I can thrive.

The righteous flourish like the palm tree
and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
They are planted in the house of the Lord;
they flourish in the courts of our God.
They still bear fruit in old age;
they are ever full of sap and green,
to declare that the Lord is upright;
he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

Psalm 92:12-15 (ESV)