Reading Proverbs 31 the Right Way

Industrious. Kind. Generous. Skilled. Wise. Thrifty. Intelligent. She “does it all”. We know her well. She is the so-called Proverbs 31 woman. 

We spend our days trying to measure up. Then we feel inadequate because we know we are far from being the noble, virtuous, praiseworthy woman described in Proverbs 31:10-31. But this chapter wasn’t written to give us a checklist for how the godly woman should spend her days.

Rather, it is a lens that we can hold up to understand how a woman can reflect the character of God. These examples describe a woman who is married with children, but that does not mean those who are single, widowed, or without children should skip over these descriptions. All women (and men) can use these examples to consider what wise living looks like in their lives. 

As the heading to Proverbs 31 states, this section was written for a king. His mother was instructing him on how he should view his wife. He should see her as a precious treasure to be valued. A wise wife is someone who is strong and capable. She is a blessing to him, and he treats her accordingly. The husband and wife work together mutually. Their marriage, along with their individual reputations flourish. If we think about the culture of the time, it is quite amazing that these verses praise a woman so highly. For those who claim that the Bible is demeaning to women, we can point them to Proverbs 31 to show them that God values women. 

The woman shows her worth by working hard. She is busy and productive for the benefit of others. Her strength is in her perseverance and willingness to do whatever is needed to provide for her household. She is confident, pro-active, and savvy. While she uses her time and skills to provide for her household, she also shows compassion for the needy and vulnerable. She sees when others are hurting or lacking, and reaches out to help them.  

We can apply these principles by prayerfully considering how we can use the skills God has given us to care for our family and others. This may look a little different for each woman, and it may change as the seasons of life change. It may mean that we stay at home to care for children, or it may involve working full-time to contribute to the finances. It could mean that we are active in one or several ministries at church. Or it may mean that we encourage others through writing cards or praying together. 

But it does not mean that we have to do all of these things. We should craft our days based on the skills and passion God has given us. Each of us will have different circles of influence and varying levels of energy, time, and resources to use.

Another aspect of godly living seen in the life of the wise woman is her speech. She speaks with kindness, grace, and truth. She is attentive to each person in her circle of influence and uses her words to build up, encourage, and strengthen them. Her words are sincere and grounded in God’s truth, not masked in flattery and deception. 

Everything we do and say teaches others. As the saying goes, “More is caught than is taught.” When the washer is broken, or supper is burnt, how do we respond? Do we get angry and frustrated? If our children say they have been bullied, how do we advise them? When we are at home, at the grocery store, at a soccer game, or at work, people are watching us. Each moment is a teachable moment, and everyone around us is learning from us.  Do our actions and words adorn the gospel?

And finally, for the noble, virtuous woman, her motivation is the fear of Yahweh. Her praise comes not from how she is dressed, her flawless complexion, or her charming personality. Her focus is on eternal, not external, beauty. She is clothed with elegance that radiates God’s love. Those who praise her know Who she serves. 

The Proverbs 31 woman understands that circumstances ebb and flow. When bad days (or months or years) come, she still does what she can with what she has. She is not tossed about by the waves of misfortune because she is anchored in God’s word. She knows that God has written her story and is in control.

The picture presented in Proverbs 31 gives us an idea of the ways a godly woman can use her skills and interests to care for the people around her. But (and this bears repeating),  we don’t have to try to match the specific examples in the chapter. We need to prayerfully consider how God wants us to reflect these characteristics. 

I have friends who do quilting, or gardening, or baking. I don’t do well at those, nor do I enjoy them. I have friends who work part- time, or full-time, or who stay at home.  Some homeschool their children, some have children that attend private, Christian school, and others send their children to public school. They all raise their children in the nurture of the Lord. I know ladies who struggle with chronic health conditions who serve in quiet, unseen ways. Our lives all look very different, but we are all using what God has given us to worship Him and serve others. 

The good news is that we don’t have to do all the things the Proverbs 31 woman does. The bad news is that we can’t even begin to achieve even one of them on our own. Even our best of intentions are tainted with impure motives. 

But the good news is that God knew we wouldn’t be able to. He made a way for us.The only way we are able to walk in wisdom and the fear of God is to turn to Jesus and repent. Then we continue looking to him for strength, discernment, and comfort as we live each day.

​