 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. In Part 1 of our Friendship series, we looked at Colossians 3:12-17 and learned that the foundations of a gospel-centered, God-glorifying friendship (or any relationship) are already present in our lives. Because of who we are in Christ (chosen, holy, and beloved), it is possible for us to put into practice the qualities in the passage. Now, in Part 2 we will see what each of these look like amidst the messiness of real-life relationships.
Compassion Compassion means “to suffer with”. Compassion doesn’t stand at a distance, but steps into someone else’s pain. It isn’t just pity or feeling bad for someone. When the gospels tell us that Jesus had compassion on someone, we see that he took action to help the person (Luke 7:11-15; Matthew 14:14-21). Compassion can be seen in actions like praying with someone, offering a listening ear, or giving them a shoulder to cry on. Real compassion makes the time to spend with someone and moves towards someone in pain, not away from them. Kindness Kindness is the quality of being considerate and selfless in our interactions. It is not simply smiling and being friendly. When we see the word “kindness” in the Bible, we notice that it is an action that steps into someone else’s life for their good. David showed kindness to Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 9). The islanders showed kindness to Paul and his shipmates (Acts 28). Kindness is sharing what we have to help others. We can take a few extra minutes to pick up something at the store for a friend who is sick. We can send a text with an encouraging verse to someone who is struggling. Kindness costs something, even if it’s a small gesture. Humility Humility is the ability to understand ourselves clearly, especially in light of our own weaknesses and sinful tendencies. We consider others’ interests before our own (Philippians 2:3-4). This doesn’t mean we become doormats who never address a concern or voice our opinions. When we disagree with a friend or feel hurt, we remember that we are not perfect. It is important to pray and ask God to show us where we can change or be a better friend (Matthew 5:23-24; Galatians 6:1-4). Humility listens before it speaks and examines before it reacts. Gentleness Gentleness, or meekness, is not weakness. It is strength under control. Jesus, the Almighty Creator, describes himself as gentle in Matthew 11:28-31. When a friend is weary or burdened, we can point them to Jesus as the source of rest and comfort. If we need to correct a friend who is struggling with sin, we do this because we want to see them grow in Christlikeness. We approach them with care, humility, and a desire to restore them to an unhindered relationship with God and others. Gentleness speaks the truth in love and with care. Patience While compassion means to “suffer with”, patience means to “suffer long”. When we attempt to offer correction to a friend, they may not see their weaknesses or understand how they may have hurt us. If a friend is facing difficult circumstances that last a long time, can we “suffer long” with them? Whether it is a chronic health condition, a defiant child, a broken marriage, or difficulties at work, we need to be willing to listen and care for them as long as it takes. Patience doesn’t lose hope when nothing seems to change. Forgiveness Forgiveness is an expression of grace. We have been reconciled with God and we follow that same pattern by extending forgiveness to others. It will take time for someone to regain our trust, and we won’t automatically forget what happened. But we must be willing to forgive so that bitterness doesn’t grow in our lives. When we realize we have done something to hurt a friend, we should quickly admit our wrongdoing and take concrete actions to make things right. Forgiveness is an extension of humility. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness are not easy. We will not be able to live these out perfectly. Our relationships will be messy and broken. But God redeems what is broken and uses our friendships for his glory and our good. When our friends aren’t patient or we fail to show kindness, we ask God and one other for forgiveness. Then we move forward in hope, knowing that in the new creation, we will live in perfect unity with God and one another. In the next post, we will look closely at the end of the Colossians 3:12-17 passage to see how love, unity, peace, and thankfulness shape gospel-centered friendships.
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