 By: Hannah Rech, me'ushar (Hebrew: happy, contented)We recently studied the book of Job in our ladies' Bible study group. As I worked through Lydia Brownback’s study on Job and reflected on our discussions, the Lord continually brought me back to two truths.
First, the book of Job teaches us that the way we listen to and respond to our suffering family in Christ is very important. It can be difficult to tell whether someone is “suffering well” or if they are sinning in response to their suffering. We often try to see into the person’s mind and heart to diagnose the problem or determine if they are in the wrong somehow. There are many verses in the Bible that talk about God knowing our hearts. I think specifically of 1 Samuel 16:7 where God tells the prophet Samuel that God sees not as man sees. Humans tend to look only at the things they can visually comprehend - the outside of people (in this case, it may be their actions, words, or responses to the suffering). It can be all too easy for us to look at a fellow believer who is suffering and compare their response to the way we think the person should respond to suffering. Maybe we think they should be praising God even in the suffering, thanking God, speaking about the positive, or correcting their sinful thought patterns. It is good to remind each other of the ways we should be walking. However, we must also be aware that there is a time and a place for everything and that we may not see the whole picture of what is going on inside the individual’s heart. We see with limits. The Lord sees everything. Jumping to the conclusion that a suffering friend’s thinking needs to be ‘fixed,’ or that a sin must immediately be corrected, can lead to even more pain. That may not be what is most needed in the moment. Instead, we should pray, asking the Lord to give us the humility to say, “I don’t see the whole picture. Help me rest knowing that you will help my friend whether it is here and now through what I can do or later through what You alone can do.” The second thing to be reminded of is the comfort that comes from considering God’s work in both the good and the evil in the world. One of our discussion questions made me realize that I needed to better understand and verbalize how Christians reconcile a good God with bad experiences. The beginning of the book of Job can often be hard to study as it depicts the influence the devil holds in our world. A key that I found helpful to consider was realizing that God didn’t do the evil to Job, he allowed Satan to bring pain and hurt into Job’s life. Now, to an individual whose relationship with the Father has not been repaired by believing in Jesus’ atoning sacrifice and repenting of sin, this can be terrifying. But as a child of God, His power over Satan’s influence on our lives can actually show how truly good He is. He loves his children. He faithfully sustains His children through every trial He allows (1 Corinthians 10:13). If He allows it into our story, He has a purpose for it. Although we may not know the specific purpose (just as the ending of Job doesn’t clarify for Job the why of the hardships he experienced), we can know with certainty the primary purpose of the suffering - it is for our good and for His glory (Romans 8:28). Nothing that enters the life of a believer is outside of God’s sovereign care and purpose. He knows exactly what we are experiencing and how it is growing us and will shape us. Through every trial, He is eagerly showing His character to us, which in turn will bring us to humble worship of Him and deepen our relationship. Even if this growth and peace appear after the hard times. Here’s one encouragement: if you see a fellow believer suffering and it doesn’t look the way you think it should, stop. Pray. Ask God to give you patience and humility. Remind yourself that He and He only knows their heart. And if they are a genuine child of his, he will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish them— whether it is through the words you speak, the actions you offer, or some other way at a time you may never have chosen or ever get to see (1 Peter 5:6-11). You can be there, you can offer wisdom, you can help them learn how to better please God, but ultimately, they may just need you to be patiently present, to listen well, and to put your hand over your mouth while trusting God’s great love and character to speak for itself when the time is right. Bear with one another in love (Ephesians 4:1-3). And one final encouragement that follows what I learned from our discussion of Job is this: It’s ok if your suffering looks “ugly”. Even so, God does not reject you if you tell Him with all your emotions that the suffering is hard, that you don’t enjoy the pain you’re going through or the path you’re on, that you don’t understand what He’s doing or what you will learn because of it. You are free to do all of these things because, after openly talking to your father, you can recall that he chose each hard, evil thing for a purpose and He will comfort you, whether here on earth through knowledge of Him, His power, His plan of salvation, and His love for you, or someday in the new Jerusalem when He will have finished the work He started in you, one trial at a time.
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 You haven’t spoken with your best friend in several months because of a disagreement. Things at home feel tense after another argument with your spouse about how to handle discipline. Words were said in anger—words you can’t take back. Something needs to change. At some point, most relationships bring us to that place. When we recognize the need to repair what has been broken, we use the simplest and hardest words: I’m sorry. So let’s look at a few common ways we may apologize. I’m sorry, but I was really tired. My bad. I guess I messed up. I’m sorry if you felt insulted, I was only joking. I hope you realize that these are examples of how not to apologize! They do not demonstrate sincere, godly sorrow. If we say “I’m sorry, but….” we are adding an excuse that shows we really don’t feel we should be accountable for what we did or said. Saying “I’m sorry if…” means we aren’t really sure that we did something wrong. “My bad” may be appropriate for a minor, unintentional error. But when there is a serious problem to address, saying “My bad” makes the issue seem minimal, as if we just made a silly mistake. When we need to repair a relationship, phrases like these can come across as dismissive. They don’t truly acknowledge any wrongdoing on our part. They also show lack of desire to do the hard work to repair the relationship through sincere, lasting change. Lasting change is prompted by godly sorrow. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul explains what godly sorrow looks like. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. Godly sorrow leads to repentance. Repentance means we have had a change of mind or heart regarding our motives, thoughts, words, or actions. We recognize that we did something wrong and it distresses us. We aren’t upset only because the relationship has been affected, but we are also grieved because we recognize we have sinned against God (Psalm 51:3-4).
In addition, godly sorrow will produce earnestness and eagerness to make things right again. An apology driven by godly sorrow will express a heartfelt anguish for what we have done. It will clearly and directly state what the wrong was, and why it was wrong. We will humbly ask for forgiveness and explain how we would like to make it right. In the Mosaic law, when someone was making restitution for a wrongdoing, in some cases they were required to offer reparations equal to 120% of the value of what was stolen, damaged, or lost. While we may not be able to calculate a monetary value to the damage caused to a relationship, we can use this a a principle when considering how to demonstrate our change of heart. Based on these principles, here are some examples of apologies that show true godly sorrow and a change of heart: I’m so sorry, I was wrong when I made that comment. I know that was hurtful and I was being selfish. What can I do to make it right? Yesterday, I was really tired, but that is no excuse. I should not have snapped at you and should have been more patient. I am sorry for the way I treated you. Will you pray with me to ask God to help me be more patient? So before we say “I’m sorry,” we need to pray and ask God to show us how our motives and sinful desires prompted us to act or speak the way we did. And then we will confess that to the person we have wronged. True repentance will include a desire and a concrete plan for doing better in the future. Repentance and godly sorrow will lead us to be transparent and may leave us vulnerable, but it can lead to renewed trust and strengthen the relationship. See also: Words Matter  According to my focus group (my adult children and their friends), a blog on Christian dating would be helpful. So here I am — removed from the dating scene for almost thirty years — hoping to impart some meaningful, biblical wisdom to the younger generation.
As I started thinking about the advice I was given back in the olden days (the 1990s), I realized much of it either:
Yeah. Let’s not go there. So what does the Bible tell us about dating? Well, apparently you should go to the nearest well and wait for someone who is willing to give you a drink and water your livestock. Also, before saying your wedding vows, double-check who is under the veil so you don’t marry the wrong sister. Okay, that may not be helpful either. The reality is that the Bible does not give us a step-by-step guide for dating. What Scripture does give us are principles about wisdom, holiness, self-control, love, and spiritual maturity. And those principles are probably more helpful than a rigid formula anyway. So what is the goal of dating as a Christian? I would suggest that the goal is to develop a relationship with the intention of discerning whether you want to pursue a lifelong marriage covenant together. That means Christian dating should be intentional, honest, and grounded in wisdom — not casual and directionless, but also not so intense that asking someone to coffee feels like a marriage proposal. Here are some general biblical principles that may help you navigate life as a single Christian who desires be married. Make your relationship with God your first priority. (Matthew 22:37)No matter what your relationship status is, this is always the first priority. Read and study Scripture regularly. Pray often. Stay connected to a healthy Christian community. Grow spiritually because you love Christ — not merely because you are trying to become “marriage material.” A dating relationship can be a wonderful gift, but it makes a terrible savior. Also, if your entire emotional stability collapses because someone took six hours to reply to your text message, that may be a sign that your heart needs a firmer foundation. Find a godly mentor. (Proverbs 15:22) Find a mature, married Christian who can help you apply biblical wisdom to your unique circumstances. Read Scripture together. Read a book on dating or marriage together. Ask questions. Let someone speak truth into your life. And if you are dating someone, spend time together with other mature Christians occasionally. There may be problems that are obvious to others. Two excellent books you could consider reading with a mentor are Marry Wisely, Marry Well by Ernie Baker and Holding Hands, Holding Hearts by Richard and Sharon Phillips. Maintain open and direct communication. (Ephesians 4:15, 25, 29) If you are in a relationship, speak honestly and humbly. If you are interested, communicate clearly. If concerns are developing, address them graciously. And if you are beginning to realize there are significant obstacles in the relationship, it is usually kinder to address those concerns early rather than slowly drifting into confusion and frustration. Truth spoken with grace is uncomfortable, but necessary. Physical boundaries matter. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) Keep at least four feet between you at all times and never be alone for more than one minute. Physical intimacy should be limited to looking into each other’s eyes deeply. …Just kidding. Although you may think this is not an area of temptation for you, it is still worth being intentional. Physical involvement tends to move relationships faster than either person realizes, and it can create emotional confusion or unnecessary regret. I know this from experience. This is one area that should be discussed early in a relationship, not after things have already become complicated. Talk together about what wisdom, honor, and self-control look like for both of you. You do not need to turn this into a legalistic rulebook with a detailed flowchart for every possible scenario. That is not the goal. But it is wise to have some shared understanding and to involve accountability. Consider sharing your convictions with trusted friends or family who can help you stay focused and honest. A simple starting point many couples find helpful is this: If you would not feel comfortable doing something in front of others, it is probably not something you should be doing alone. No one is perfect. (Romans 3:23) There is no such thing as Mr. Right, Prince Charming, or a soul-mate in the fairy-tale sense. Because he is a sinner. Oh—and guess what? So are you. It is wise to view the other person with a balanced perspective. He will not be perfect, so abundant grace and forgiveness will be needed in any godly relationship. At the same time, wisdom also pays attention. Character matters. Habits matter. Patterns matter. There are qualities that reflect normal human weakness—and there are patterns that may be genuine red flags worth taking seriously. Grace and discernment are not opposites. In fact, they are both necessary if you are going to pursue a relationship that is grounded in truth rather than fantasy. Make God the priority in the relationship. (1 Corinthians 10:31) Wait a minute… didn’t we already talk about that? Yep. Just as your relationship with God is the first priority when you are single, it is also the first priority when you are dating. Or engaged. Or married. Or breathing. Your boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse cannot be the center of your life. God is the center of your life. When you try to place another person in that position, the relationship will eventually develop cracks. This principle also applies beyond dating. It is easy for anyone to unintentionally reorder priorities — for example, parents placing children above God and above their marriage. Good and beautiful relationships become idols when they take the place that belongs to God alone. When God is first, everything else is put in its proper place. At the end of the day, Christian dating is not about finding a flawless person who completes you in every way (after all, we aren’t Disney princesses). It is about discerning, with wisdom and humility, whether you will commit to walk faithfully with another imperfect person toward a shared life of following Christ. There will be no perfect system or guaranteed formula. There will, however, be Scripture, the Holy Spirit, wise counsel, honest communication, and a lot of grace. And probably some awkward conversations along the way. But that is okay. Because God is not only interested in who you end up marrying—He is also deeply interested in who you are becoming in the process.  The following devotional is intentionally written by a fictitious character to illustrate common missteps in Christian resources. It is not an endorsement of these ideas, but a tool to help you practice discernment. As you read, look for ideas that don’t seem “quite right” or have weak biblical support. Fight the Spirits by Quill Meanwell There are seasons when we can’t seem to break the cycle of anger or hostility that hovers in our areas of influence. Are you frequently arguing with family, friends, or coworkers? Are your kids (especially teenagers) being difficult or disobedient? You may be at a loss to explain why these issues are recurring in your life. You have been praying, attending church, and serving faithfully, but you are still on edge. Peace and harmony seem out of reach. As we seek to understand what is happening, we can look to the Bible for answers to these difficult circumstances. Peter told his readers to be on alert for the devil’s tactics (1 Peter 5:8). There are negative and malicious spiritual entities that slowly creep into our lives and wreak havoc. These demonic messengers include territorial spirits and oppressive spirits. An angel was sent in response to Daniel’s prayer. This heavenly messenger was delayed for a time because he was hindered by the “prince of Persia” (Daniel 10:13). This was a territorial spirit that fought the angel to prevent Daniel from being comforted by receiving an answer to his prayer. The other type of spirits, oppressive spirits, work specifically against the five offices mentioned in Ephesians 4:11-16. They will weigh down your spirit and cause unwanted emotions like anger, hostility, pride, lust, and disobedience. But we do not need to fear these spirits or cower in defeat before them. We have powerful spiritual weapons to wage war against these prowling malevolent influences! Walk through your home or workplace and use the weapon of prayer. Name and rebuke the territorial spirits. Then pray the pieces of the armor to create a spiritual barrier around the place. For any oppressive spirits that are affecting your emotions, you can follow similar steps. Name the specific spirit and rebuke it while holding your Bible. If you have determined that a spirit is influencing another person, hold their picture on your Bible. Through prayer you can form a spiritual hedge of protection around yourself or the other person (Job 1:10). There is no need to live in spiritual tension. Use your God-given weapons to fight! Quill Meanwell’s devotional teaches us the steps we need to fight against spirits and demons. According to Quill, we can just identify the spirit, rebuke it, and make a spiritual barrier to be safe from those wicked spirits! These are similar steps that many spiritual warfare proponents confidently tell us what to do to get rid of territorial or oppressive spirits. Let’s find out if Quill leads us astray by examining the context of the verses mentioned as support for this spiritual warfare plan.
First Quill uses 1 Peter 5:8 to imply that demonic spirits are the cause of the problem. When we read all of chapter 5, we see that Peter is giving instructions to the leaders of the church. He encourages them to serve their flock. He reminds them to be alert because the devil is looking for ways to devour, but he does not mention any specific types of spirits. He also does not explain that the devil, or malicious spirits, are the cause of their suffering. This context does not support Quill’s theory that conflict and negative emotions are directly caused by evil spirits. Quill then talks about the angel and the spirit in Daniel 10:13 to illustrate an example of a so-called territorial spirit. From the brief mention of “the prince of Persia”, Quill (and others) have taken this to mean that every region has its own ruling spirit. Claiming that our homes and workplaces may be inhabited by specific spirits stretches the application of this Scripture passage beyond its intended purpose. Next we are led to believe that oppressive spirits exist to fight against the “five offices” mentioned in Ephesians 4:11-16. Ephesians 4 talks about the unity and maturity of the church. Christ has given these five leadership positions for the church, so they can guide and strengthen the church. Ironically, the passage tells us that, as we grow in unity, we will discern if we are being deceived by false teachers. Paul is warning us to be wary of people who promote cunning ideas —like Quill! It is interesting to note that Quill neglects to mention a passage that specifically talks about anger, hostility, and other relational problems. James 4:1-10 identifies our own motives, passions, and covetousness that are responsible for our conflicts. James tells us to submit to God, before he mentions resisting the devil. And then he tells us that we need to be humble and repentant. We are not told to rebuke spirits, we are entreated to mourn our sins and change our ways. Nothing in Scripture commands us to pray hedges of protection into existence. Because the Holy Spirit dwells in us, we do not need to fear being controlled by evil spirits. When we are troubled by conflicts, we can look to Christ, who is the perfect example of how our lives should reflect the attributes of the gospel armor. *If you are struggling with anger, hostility, pride, lust, or difficult relationships, it can be helpful to speak to a biblical counselor. The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC) has counselors who have gone through a rigorous training process and can meet with you to help. Biblical counseling is not a therapeutic, clinically based treatment process. Through customized discipleship sessions, we use gospel-centered, Scripture saturated encouragement and teaching to help you grow more like Christ! For more information about biblical counseling, email us at [email protected]. See also: Devoted Dorcas Series  The following devotional is intentionally written by a fictional character to illustrate common missteps in Bible study. Before you dive into Quill’s devotional, read Ephesians 6:10-18 to compare what Quill says with what the passage says. Also note how Quill uses other Bible references to support the suggestions given. As you use your discernment “muscles”, see if you can spot how Quill misinterprets and stretches Scripture to help people overcome negative feelings. Armor Defense by Quill Meanwell Have you been overwhelmed with a sense of darkness or discouragement? Can you feel the weight of oppression pushing you down? These are common struggles for Christians. But we don’t need to despair! Ephesians 6:10-18 gives us the tools we need to surround ourselves with the protective presence of God. There have been many authors and teachers who have thoroughly explained the meaning of each piece of armor. But the armor pieces don’t help us if we don’t actually put them on! The good news is you can use simple, practical techniques to apply all the spiritual armor pieces. Then you can experience complete protection from discouraging or oppressive moods. The first line of defense is prayer. In the Lord’s Prayer, we are taught to pray for our daily bread and to be delivered from the evil one. And the final piece of armor mentioned in Ephesians 6 is prayer. So as we pray each day, we can also pray to put on the shield, helmet, shoes, breastplate, belt, and sword! Picture what each piece looks like and imagine yourself putting them on for spiritual protection. After you pray these on, you are covered from head to toe — literally! We can also use the spiritual armor to pray for protection over family members. Just like Job offered sacrifice for his children in case they had sinned, we can also cover our loved ones with divine defense! Pray through each piece, saying the name of the person you want to protect. Your prayers can be accompanied by physical reminders of the armor. The Israelites were told in Deuteronomy 6 to apply God's word to their wrists, gates, and doorposts. In the same way, you can attach the pieces of armor to your mirror, walls, or doors. I have included a graphic that you can reproduce to create a physical barrier between any evil influence and the people in those spaces. There are many other places you can apply this token of protection - vehicles, cell phones, desks. And of course, you can put them in your pocket, hat, or the bottom of your shoe for intimate spiritual defense. Along with using this graphic, you can write out the text of Ephesians 6:10-18. Just as Jesus used the word of God to fight the devil in his wilderness temptation, you can use the words of these verses in your battle against oppressive moods. It is best to hand write the words, so that you are personally activating the power behind the words. So when you are discouraged and feel the weight of darkness pressing in, take heart! You have an incredible tool box of weapons you can use to fight against the evil one. Quill means well (yeah, pun intended) by offering practical tips for those who are struggling with discouragement or other negative feelings. Scripture does give us hope and help for all circumstances. But sadly, Quill drifts from careful interpretation of Scripture and misapplies several passages.
Quill combines Lord’s Prayer and the reference to Job as prooftexts for praying each item of the armor for protection against negative feelings or oppressive moods. Quill implies we must pray to put on these items for protection, making believers feel vulnerable if they haven’t followed these instructions. Another passage Quill misapplies is Deuteronomy 6. Moses did not give these instructions to suggest that the Israelites use God’s word to create physical barriers for protection. Yet, the devotional says we need to physically attach the visually impressive graphic to everyday objects. Quill takes the armor analogy and turns it into a literal talisman to rely on for protection. Maybe Quill should have suggested we add some garlic and rabbits’ feet for extra assurance! Quill also suggests that as we write the words from Ephesians 6, we will be activating the power behind those words. This is another common technique that subtly distorts God’s word. Our physical act of writing out God’s word does not create the ability to fight evil spirits or negative moods. These and similar superstitious activities can cause us to place our confidence in what we can do to ward off evil. God’s power is not a supernatural force that we need to access or activate through our actions. When Paul's letter to the Ephesians, we see that chapter 6 is the conclusion to everything he has said. He has already reminded the church in Ephesus of the gospel and its implications for their relationship with God and with each other. The armor imagery describes the spiritual realities that believers already enjoy in Christ. Believers may experience negative emotions. But we need not fear being overcome by evil spiritual forces. WeWhen we struggle with despair or discouragement, we can turn to God in prayer. Our hope isn’t in what words we use or creating the correct imagery in our minds. We can ask God for his help and strength, and give thanks because we have already been given truth, righteousness, peace, salvation, and faith. The gospel armor is ours in abundance because of Christ’s atoning sacrifice on the cross. At the moment we believed, we received all of these as a package deal — they are not special add ons that we need to claim. We stand firm because of who God is and what he has done for us. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. Ephesians 1:3 *If you are discouraged, depressed, or anxious, please reach out to someone! Talk to a trusted sister in Christ, your pastor, or email us at [email protected]. You are not alone, God has placed us in a community of believers for mutual strength and encouragement. See also: Cookie Crumb Prayers  This is the plan, Yahweh said
I don’t like this, I pouted So I ran from God Angry, anguished, anxious My desires blinded me Bitterness covered with empty pleasures Comfort, control, cravings My idols promised security I became what I worshiped God brought the storm Severe mercies plunged me to the depths Yahweh opened my eyes Doubt, defiance, despair Washed away by trust Undeserved grace wrapped me in love Patient, present, pursuing Hesed* never ending Yahweh brought me back *Hesed: the Hebrew word for the steadfast, loyal, covenantal love of God See also: The Temple, In the Middle of Suffering  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28–30 These verses can be very confusing at first. At one level, they are comforting because Jesus says he will give us rest. But he also says to take his yoke, which is something that represents hard labor or oppression. A pair of oxen would be yoked together to plow a field. In the Old Testament, King Rehoboam threatened his subjects with a yoke of hard work (1 Kings 12:11). So how do we reconcile Jesus’ promise to give us rest when he follows that with the imagery of a yoke? We could misunderstand Jesus’ words as a call merely to slow down and take better care of ourselves. We might think the answer to our weariness is to declutter our lives, reduce expectations, practice mindfulness, and seek a calmer, more comfortable life. But these verses aren’t meant to encourage us to find ways to relieve stress and balance our lives. This misapplication takes the verses out of context and strips them of the rich lessons that Jesus intended by these words. In Matthew 11:20-24, Jesus denounces various cities for their lack of repentance. They had heard his words and seen his miracles, yet the people hadn’t changed. Instead of putting on sackcloth and ashes to mourn their sin, they continued to live in pride and would face judgment. Then in verses 25-27, Jesus explains that the Father and the Son reveal themselves to little children. And following verse 28, we see two accounts of the Pharisees complaining about Jesus and his disciples doing something on the Sabbath which was not lawful. The Pharisees had made rule-keeping the center of their religion, but had forgotten about compassion and mercy towards others. Jesus makes it clear that their Sabbath rules had drifted from the true meaning of the Sabbath and rest. So as we contemplate verses 28-30, we see that Jesus is contrasting those who come to him and rest in him with those who do not repent or burden themselves with perfectionistic standards. These two extremes are still seen today. We may refuse to deal with entrenched sins like bitterness, gluttony, laziness, or pride. Or we may be following standards we have imposed on ourselves that we think will earn us favor with God. For example, reading a certain number of Bible chapters each day and praying for every person on the church prayer list. Or never drinking alcohol, playing cards, or getting a tattoo. And making sure that others know that we never do these things. Neither of these extremes will save us from the judgment to come. And so, Jesus shows us the better way. He says, “Come to me.” If we are laboring and weary from trying to deny and hide our sin, come to him. If we are heavy laden by all the extra rules we are trying to carry, come to him. Jesus will give us rest. The rest that Jesus gives is a soul-rest. We can put off the yoke that we have made for ourselves. And we can put on his yoke instead. Yes, we will still be yoked — but we will be yoked to him! He will be beside us, helping us stay on the right path. With his yoke on, we won’t fall into the ditches of unrepentance or works-based self-righteousness. He will keep us on the path that leads to rest for our souls. But there’s more! Jesus doesn’t just give us instruction, he tells us why we should do this. He anchors his command to who he is and his character. We should take his yoke and we will find rest because Jesus is gentle and lowly.* He asks us to come to him, and he draws us to him. Jesus moves towards those who are struggling with sin and suffering. He knows our weaknesses because he was willing to enter into this world as a human. After living a perfect life, he took the heaviest yoke of all by taking up the cross and the weight of all the sins of all who believe in him. He did this for the “joy that was set before him” (Hebrews 12:1-2). What was the joy he was looking for? The joy of welcoming undeserving sinners into eternal life and rest with him. Soul-rest isn’t about working harder or ignoring our sin. It isn’t achieved by scheduling a spa day. It’s about looking at Jesus. Yes, Jesus’ yoke is light. But this doesn’t mean that obedience is optional. The yoke is easy and light, but if we try to do things our own way, we will chafe from pulling in the wrong direction. Jesus will always do what is needed to bring us back. And that is when we will find the yoke easy and light. The question is, are you yoked with Jesus? True soul-rest is found in a relationship with him. Come, and he will give you rest. His yoke is easy and his burden is light because he is walking with you. *In his books, Gentle and Lowly and The Heart of Jesus, Dane Ortlund gives a multi-faceted picture of who Jesus is and shows us his heart for sinners. See also: From the Mercy Seat to Christ  I have often walked away from conversations replaying my words in my mind—wishing I had said something differently, or perhaps not said anything at all. Sometimes the words themselves weren’t overtly sinful, but they weren’t especially helpful either. Scripture teaches us that words can hurt and heal. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Jesus reminds us that our careless words matter because they reveal what is in our hearts (Matthew 12:34).
The consequences of words can be devastating; they can indeed hurt us (contrary to what the “sticks and stones” mantra claims). Even when we think our motives are pure, at times we can be blinded to our own selfishness, insincerity, or pride. Our challenge is to think through what we really mean when we use certain phrases, or to examine how it may be perceived by those who are listening. Let’s look at a few common expressions that we say, but may not have carefully considered. These phrases or sayings are not always wrong or sinful. However, depending on the context, the way we use them may be confusing, unhelpful, or even damaging. Instead, we want to use our words to build up, encourage, and give grace (Ephesians 4:29). The first expression to consider is “to be honest…” As ambassadors of Christ, we should be known as people who are truthful. Our words should demonstrate integrity and sincerity. By saying “to be honest”, it can give the hearer the impression that in this particular instance we are being honest, but at other times we are not honest. Not only can it be confusing, but when we say this, it is sometimes followed by a harsh criticism or insensitive remark. Prefacing an observation with “to be honest” may be an attempt to make ourselves look better because it means that we think we are doing what is right, even if it may be hurtful. For example, we might say “To be honest, the sermon was rather boring today.” Rather than criticizing the sermon, we could say “I wasn’t as interested or engaged in the sermon.” Or perhaps we can choose silence if our words are not ones that will build up. Next, let’s consider the phrase “Not that it matters, but…” This expression is also very confusing. If it doesn’t matter, then why are we saying it? Unfortunately sometimes when we use this phrase, what we are about to say is not gracious. Again, we try to soften our harsh words by adding a qualifier. For example, many times people will follow this expression with an unkind comment about someone’s appearance. It’s also common to use this expression to minimize a boastful statement. For example, “Not that it matters, but I finished that report and submitted it on the same day.” In this case, instead of bragging about our achievement, we could offer to help the other person. In light of what we have considered with the first two expressions, take a moment to think about the phrase “Just saying”. At best, this phrase is redundant. People will know that we are “just saying” because …well…we just said it. This expression is frequently used to imply that our way is better. For example, “Our church does communion every week. Just sayin’.” Or “I don’t let my kids do that. Just sayin’”. You can see that not only are these statements prideful, but they also don’t allow for further discussion. A better option is to invite others to offer their perspective. This shows that we are ready to listen humbly and carefully (James 1:19). For each of these expressions, context matters. If you use one of these phrases in a casual conversation with a close friend, these can be humorous and light-hearted. When said in a face-to-face context, our facial expressions, body language, and tone can help to balance what we say so that the person understands our intent. If we are engaging with someone we don’t know as well or are using a written medium (text, email, social media), our words can be easily misunderstood. If there is something important that needs to be said, we can take the time to connect with the person in real time, in real life (or at least through a video call). I want you to know that I write for myself as much for you. The examples I used above are similar to things I have said. I often think back to what I have said and realize that it was said out of proud, selfish motives or was said in a way that was hurtful. I want to do better, but just changing what I say isn’t enough. As Matthew 12:34 says, our words are a reflection of what is in our hearts. If we want transformed speech, we need transformed hearts. One way to renew our hearts our our minds is to think on things that are glorifying to God. In Philippians 4:8,9 we are commanded to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and excellent. Another helpful practice is to consider Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” We can ask ourselves, “Is what I said (or am about to say) something that will build up? Does it fit the occasion? Do it give grace to those who hear?” Ultimately, our words should adorn the gospel. As we read and study Scripture, we can look to its words to shape our communication. It is not easy to always say the right thing. We don’t always fully understand our own motives or desires behind what we say or do. The good news is that when we speak carelessly or selfishly, as we confess and repent, God will forgive us. In our striving to communicate clearly, accurately, and compassionately, we know that the Holy Spirit is working in us to be more and more like Christ each day. We can’t do this on our own, so we need to regularly pray: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14).  Social media “memories” are great, aren’t they? We laugh at the funny picture of our pets, feel nostalgic at photos from our kids’ sporting events, and give thanks for the many memories from a vacation. Or we may cringe because of something we wish we hadn’t posted. It might be a meme that insulted someone or a video that made fun of someone’s misfortune. We may have complained about a minor inconvenience. And what about the quick replies —or extended debates — we left on other people’s posts? We can delete some of our words from social media, yet it’s difficult to erase the impressions they leave on those who read them. As we seek to be good ambassadors for Christ, we can use Galatians 5:19-23 as a framework to put off unbiblical communication and put on Christlike interactions. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. As Paul writes to the Galatians about the conflict between desires of the flesh and desires of the Spirit, he explains that it will be evident which of these are ruling us. Desires of the flesh will result in the list of “works” in verses 19-21. Most of the actions in these verses are commonly seen in interactions on social media. They can either be the reason why we post or share something — or they can be the outcome of an interaction. Paul firmly and directly warns that these are not appropriate for the citizens of God’s kingdom.
Before we interact on social media, it would be helpful to pray through each of the items in verses 20 and 21. We don’t always understand our own hearts, but the Holy Spirit is our Helper and Advocate. As we humbly approach God, we can ask him to make it clear to us if what we are about to say is motivated by any of these fleshly desires. There have been many times when I look back at something I had written on social media and realized the selfish or spiteful impulses that caused me to say something hurtful. It shows wisdom and humility if we take a few minutes — or days — to carefully consider our words before we post. But Paul doesn’t just warn us and leave us discouraged about our fleshly attitudes and actions. He reminds us that we can exhibit the fruit of the Spirit! Before we look at the evidence of the Spirit, let’s pause to notice that Paul doesn’t say that the qualities in verses 22-23 are “works” of the Spirit. We cannot manufacture the fruit on our own because they are the Spirit’s fruit. The Spirit produces this fruit in our lives because believers are filled by the Spirit at the moment we are saved. We are responsible to put off the works of the flesh and move forward in obedience — but we do not rely only on our efforts. The Spirit progressively shapes us to be more like Christ. Before we type, we can consider if our words truly reflect the fruit of the Spirit. Are my words motivated by love for God and others? Will this post show the joy and peace that I have through Christ? Is this comment or meme kind and gentle? If I were speaking in person, would I say this? When I take time to pray first, I am thankful that the Holy Spirit helps me to rephrase my words — or refrain from saying anything at all! It isn’t easy to know what fleshly desires lie behind our words. We will often choose attitudes and actions that do not reflect the fruit of the Spirit. There is only one person who perfectly exhibited the fruit of the Spirit. Christ’s motivations, words, and actions always displayed the character of God. But he is more than just a good teacher or role model. He willingly chose to take on himself the burden of all our sins. In exchange, he has given to us his righteousness. In Christ, God sees us as if we had never sinned. That includes every unkind rant, off-color meme, and impetuous comment we have shared! When we fail to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit, and turn to him in humble repentance, he forgives us. The assurance of forgiveness from our heavenly Father should also spur us to seek reconciliation with others. It isn’t possible or wise to try to reconcile with every person who has been affected by our words. But as you pray, ask God to show you whether there is someone you could reach out to. Humbly acknowledging how you hurt them and demonstrating that you want to make it right can be a difficult yet healing process. We are also called to extend forgiveness to others. We can be understanding and forgiving because we know that we are not without fault. When someone else posts or comments something that was hurtful or made us angry — instead of responding in kind, we can choose to show them a glimpse of how God’s love and mercy works. We can overlook the offense or we can reply with a gracious word or encouraging verse. The situation may sometimes warrant a face-to-face conversation — after prayerfully considering how to proceed. Our fleshly desires may lead us to post hastily, but Scripture shows us a better way. By pausing, reflecting on the fruit of the Spirit, and praying before we post, we allow God to guide our words and interactions. Christ’s forgiveness frees us to extend patience, gentleness, and grace to others—even online. Next time you’re about to share, comment, or post, pause, pray, then post (or don’t!). Let your words reflect God’s character, build up others, and honor Him in every interaction. |
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